hello hello hello! it's been a bit. we have been away visiting the US for most of the month of July. we spent roughly 3 weeks traveling on the east coast (NJ, NY, VT, MA) with my husbands mother and stepfather, sister, and other extended family. it was a such a lovely trip; we spent a lot of time with my mother-in-law, which is always sweet and beautiful! since the day I met her, I've always said this: she's like a disney princess.
besides that, it was a bit of an emotional trip as well. my husbands family experienced a traumatic event while we were visiting. it was planned and expected but it was still a lot to go through emotionally. we tried to be there for them, even just to take their minds off of it and make some fun memories. it was a heavier family trip in other ways, as well.
this trip has had me thinking a lot about our move back to the US. while our time was very special and magical, there seemed to be a shadow lurking in every corner. leading up to our flight there, I had so much anxiety surrounding being on a plane, going through customs and border, being back in the US, in american suburbia, in a big city. once we were there it wasn't as bad a I thought it to be but there was still a constant, small unease. towards the end of our trip, we stayed at a lake house in Massachusetts. at the lake and a town nearby, we were surrounded by contentious ideological propaganda. after that, we took a train to NYC and arrived the day after a mass shooting in Manhattan. how could we have such a beautiful time with our daughter and family and there still be such despair in the world around us? I'm realizing now that we can't shield her innocence from it forever.
I think living in Japan puts us in this bubble: safe from most violence, mass violence, but not safe from all. there are still negative sentiments found here as well, and it's starting to grow in popularity. we go back and forth between extending our time here in this country, or moving to another 'safe' country, or just choosing to jump back into the chaotic pit that the US is starting to become. it's a daily struggle. there's pros and cons to all. but having children makes it really really hard to be away from our family like this. the world is so scary but do we run? do we keep running? or do we try to fight for better? it's something I've been thinking about, but I have no idea what the answer is yet.